Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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