The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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