Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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