Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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