Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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