"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
