I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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