Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
