the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
