apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
