Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
