I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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