Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
