Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
