you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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