the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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