I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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