dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
