Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
