I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
