what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
