My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
