OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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