I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Someone signed my nipple.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
