She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
