the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
