Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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