I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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