He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's shark week go big or go home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
