Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
