the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
