my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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