How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
