I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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