Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
