i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
