the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sext me about skeletons
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
