when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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