He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
