First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
