I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
