His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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