Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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