I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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