I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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