In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
