hell yes lets make some ravioli
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
