I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
