idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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