I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize