What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
