My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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