Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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