It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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